Don’t drink the water, there’s a pregnant epidemic

As my friend and I were strolling down M Street today, a woman who was great with child waddled by. I turned to my friend and remarked, “Have you noticed all the pregnant women in DC?”

She replied, “I was just thinking that!”

In the way I view the world and the families within it, I thought pregnant people could only exist in suburbia and rural villages. Clearly, an incorrect and silly assessment.

But nevertheless, if a rogue pregnant woman comes about in the city every now and then that is not totally out of the realm of possibility; however, the fact is that the amount of pregnant–obviously pregnant not just maybe carrying a few extra pounds here and there–awkwardly waddling the streets of Washington is notably high.

I don’t know what happened between 5 and 9 months ago, and I’m OK not to figure out this mystery and even more OK that I did not partake in drinking from that fountain. Still, I have a few hypotheses as to the influx of pregnant ladies.

  • Via rough calculations of the months of conception, many of the “to-be” people were created in the autumn/winter which was probably due to people trying to find creative ways to keep warm and save on electric and gas. It is tough economic times.
  • Along with this notion of autumn/winter baby-making, as it is tough economic times, as the days became shorter and darker and money more tight, other forms of entertainment were sought out that could be done in the comfort of one’s abode.
  • More with the tough economic times idea, both partners in “life creation” are unemployed and fill their day with job hunting and breaks for nookie. Since the cable is out due to lack of paying bills, there is really nothing else to do and how many games of Yahtzee can two people play?
  • The universe did something mystical in that time to make each lady and man more fertile, aligning the stars perfectly to create a slight boom in the population.
  • When did the Shades of Gray book come out?
  • Someone spiked the drinking water in DC. Thank goodness my roommate and I used a water filter.

It really isn’t important as to why the pregnancy spike, just an observation my friend and I have made. We need to prepare ourselves for the stroller epidemic that will take control of sidewalk space and the shrill cries of helpless creatures emanating from inside their little prams. Thank goodness for noise cancelling headphones.


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