An oath for all Facebook users

Like most people, I am on Facebook. Like most Facebook users, I have a love-hate relationship with the social media behemoth.

While I don’t see myself leaving Facebook any time soon, there are days I just want to call it quits and free myself from its cultural oppression.

My reasons for remaining on Facebook are the same most people have for being on it in the first place. I can connect with friends who are far away and keep updated on their comings and goings, my mom (yes I am friends with my mom on Facebook) likes to read my posts and see what I’m up to—I rarely post anything that would be TMI, and finally, because the site is fun, if not funny.

The list of reasons to pack my Facebook bags are far more in number, but still it doesn’t seem to outweigh my reasons in staying. Rather than outright gripe about Facebook and why its stupid, evil, annoying, blah blah blah, I’d rather incorporate a fictitious oath that I wish every user had to take before registering as a user.

Oath of Responsibility for Facebook

1. I promise not to use Facebook to seek attention from ex-lovers, future lovers, friends, and enemies. I will not display posts of my “dirty laundry,” mood swings, breakfast choices, political rants, and overly sexualized photos of myself that do not look a thing like me (#instagram).

2. I promise that if I ever have kids or currently have kids, I will not post their every photo-captured moment from womb till they aren’t cute anymore, and use proper discretion when selecting pictures to share with the world. I vow to understand that the only people who care about my children are me, family, and a few good friends, and that no one else needs to see the drool and bare bums of my precious ones. In respect for the tyke that will one day be an adult, I should also understand that these photos are not approved for his/her future embarrassment or potential political career.

3. I promise to resist the urge to change my profile picture daily, which can be attributed to oath 1 of the Facebook Responsibility Code. I will not take excessive picture “selfies” especially the notorious mirrored reflection shots with my smart phone of choice on display. I understand this looks tacky, lame, and most people will think I am a prick for this action. Similarly, when taking a “hot” photo of myself, I am aware that the upper angle of the camera-phone I am using is the most flattering and I am not fooling anyone by making them think this photo was candid and that I look that good and slim.

4. I promise not to bully people on Facebook via the chat feature, private messaging, or wall posting. This is unkind, juvenile, and shows a lack of maturity which means I am not ready for the world of social media or any human interaction, electronic or real.

5. I promise to keep my extreme views toned down. While it is worthwhile to express opinions, there is a way to limit the ostentatious methods I show my ideologies that won’t be offensive, that will appear educated, and that do not make me look like a dickhead.

6. I promise to use discretion when posting photos of “evenings out” realizing this can bite me in the butt (ie, future job opportunities). Body shots, keg stands, and “girls/guys gone wild” shots are OK in moderation, but excess quantities of these episodes show that you are attention seeking, unable to use discretion, and need to find more hobbies than sucking down beers and jello shots. No one is impressed.

7. I realize Facebook is a way to connect and share, but oversharing is an abuse of this service. I promise to understand that when I am ill, injured, angry, achieving, underachieving, to share this information tastefully and only when appropriate.

8. I promise to “friend” friends and not generic, barely acquainted people in order to appear popular. It is unnecessary to “friend” each person I ever come into contact with.

9. I owe it to myself to break away from Facebook from time-to-time and concentrate on my work day, my hobbies, meeting friends in person, and reading a book every once in a while.

10. I vow not to use Facebook for stalking purposes. If it’s not OK in the real world, it isn’t OK in the e-world either.




3 thoughts on “An oath for all Facebook users

  1. Pingback: When photo ops ruin the moment | gingermermaid

  2. Pingback: Mr. DeMille, I’m Ready for My Close-up [Goddammit, Not That Close] | Stressing Out College

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