So recently I found out that I’m going to have a little person that screams 25 of the 24 hours in a day, poops for recreation, and is in constant need of love an affection, chiefly in the form of food.
I can confirm now that I am 22 weeks and 4 days with a December 5 due date. It’s not the pregnancy or the birthing process that is freaking me out at the moment, it’s the fact that I’m going to have a baby boy and I haven’t a notion of what to do with it.
See, I don’t know if I totally get boys. Girls are easy. They like pink and tutus and pretty braids in their hair. All of this I excel at.
Boys like trains, video games, and touching themselves, this I don’t know what to do with.
The scariest part of becoming a parent, and which is why I hesitated in ever becoming one (too late for that one) is that I’m afraid not for when they are young and cute, but when they are older and impressionable. I know my kid will think the world of me until he’s about 11, and then, well, he’ll do everything he can to run the other way.
I don’t want my son to become some horn-dog, disrespectful, brat. I don’t expect him to be perfect, that would be no fun for him and I sure don’t have a perfect past, but I hope that he doesn’t spend all his teenage to young adult years years surfing the web for naked chicks, lighting his farts on fire, and doing keg stands whenever the opportunity extends itself.
I hope I am able to raise him in a balanced way, in which he respects ladies (or boys, if this happens to be his preference), in which he can hold himself accountable in school and work, where he knows manners, but can also find time to be a boy and to live his life. I know I can’t protect him from bad people, bad influences, or bad decisions all the time, but I do hope most of the time.
My boyfriend and I plan on naming our kid Gabriel, after a character in a Thomas Hardy book, Far From the Madding Crowd. A week and a half before I knew I was knocked up I had turned to my boyfriend and said, “If we ever have a little boy, can we name him Gabriel because I want my son to be exactly like that!” My boyfriend agreed, and how fortuitous it was!
I’m completely wigging out, not about the baby, but about the man this baby will become…and the person I will become too.
Life happens while you are busy making other plans.